EMDR for Children: A Parent's Guide to "Unsticking" Scary Memories
When a child goes through difficult scary or traumatic experiences—whether it's an accident, a difficult medical procedure, teasing or bullying—parents may observe that their child becomes more reactive, has nightmares, flashbacks, or avoids certain places. This is because these memories can sometimes get "stuck".
Here is a simple guide about EMDR and how it could help children navigate these challenges.
So, what is EMDR?
Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing is an 8-phase structured therapy that focuses on restoring the brain's natural healing process. It is nothing like hypnosis and it definitely does not induce children into a "trance" state. EMDR does not require a child to describe the scary or traumatic incident like in traditional talk therapy, making the process easier for children who may struggle to express what happened verbally.
To explain how it works, I would like to use the well-known "Library" Metaphor which has been utilised by many therapists. At night during our sleep, our brain "files" memories away neatly. Imagine that your child's brain is like a library. Suddenly, a storm comes through and knocks some of the books off the shelves and onto the floor. When a scary or worrying thing happens to your child, the memory stays in the middle of the floor (like the books knocked by the storm). Every time someone walks by, they trip over it — and this is probably why your child might have a "meltdown" or a nightmare out of nowhere.
EMDR is the tool a therapist uses to pick up those books and put them back on the shelf. The memory doesn't disappear or get erased — it will still be in the library — but it becomes less intense and charged, and therefore no longer in the way of daily life. The memory becomes part of the adaptive memory network.
How does it work with children?
In EMDR, the therapist will use Bilateral Stimulation that involves stimulating the left and right sides of the brain in an alternating pattern. It is very common to use eye movements with adults; however, this might not be the preferred way with children. Luckily, EMDR is flexible enough to accommodate clients of different ages, and the therapist can use a vast array of playful back-and-forth movements to produce the bilateral stimulation in kids. For example, most children are happy to do tapping (Butterfly Taps), vibrating pads (TheraTappers or "Buzzies"), or follow a magic light or puppet to promote eye movement.
The bilateral stimulation is essential as it helps the brain store the memory in the past rather than feeling that it's happening right now.
Building Internal Resources First
EMDR is not about diving into the hard stuff right away. This is why there are 8 phases in this process — to make sure it feels safe while the therapist and child are building rapport. Your child's therapist will spend some time strengthening the internal resources your child already has, or building new ones that will support the processing. In other words, therapists work hard at making your child's shield stronger (or just creating one) before "tidying up" those "messy memories".
Some clinicians spend a long time in this phase. In my experience, respecting the child's pace and readiness, as well as including play-based strategies, helps children to be more receptive and less scared of the process.
How do I get started?
When you feel ready to take the next step, the best place to start is with your GP. Ask them about a Mental Health Treatment Plan, which can help you access Medicare rebates through the Better Access Program for your child's sessions — making it more affordable to get the right support.
EMDR therapists undergo specific training, so when looking for someone experienced in working with children, the EMDR Association of Australia is a great place to find a qualified therapist near you.
Further Reading & Resources
If you'd like to explore more about EMDR and children's mental health, here are some trusted resources:
● Beyond Blue — general mental health support and resources for families
● Head to Health — Australian Government mental health resource hub
Get in Touch
If something in this post resonated with you and you'd like to explore whether EMDR might be a good fit for your child, I'd love to hear from you. You're welcome to reach out via email at info@karinafeldmannpsychology.com.au or book online via our website here.
This post is written to help parents feel informed and less alone when navigating their child's emotional wellbeing. While I hope it gives you a helpful starting point, it is intended for general educational purposes only and is not a substitute for personalised clinical advice. Every child is unique, and a qualified professional will always be best placed to guide you. If your child is currently in distress or you have immediate concerns, please reach out to your GP or a registered mental health professional.
