Understanding Your Child's Anxiety: A Parent's Guide
This is the first post in a two-part series on childhood anxiety. Part 2 will explore practical strategies to help your child manage anxious feelings.
You may have noticed that the word "anxiety" gets used a lot — but what does it actually mean? For some children it looks like worry. For others it shows up as fear, shyness, nervousness, or just a general sense that something bad is about to happen. Whatever it looks like in your child, you are not alone in trying to understand it.
Anxiety is normal — and not always a bad thing
Anxiety is a completely normal human emotion. Every child experiences it, and in the right doses it can actually be helpful. Think about a child who feels a little nervous before a school exam — that flutter of anxiety is often what motivates them to study and do their best. Top athletes, performers, and musicians often describe feeling anxious before a big moment. That nervous energy is what sharpens their focus.
Anxiety becomes a concern when it shows up more often, more intensely, and more easily than expected — and when it starts getting in the way of everyday life at home, school, or with friends.
What is actually happening in your child's brain?
To understand anxiety, it helps to know a little about how the brain works — don't worry, I'll keep this simple!
Deep inside the brain there is a small but very powerful region called the Amygdala — sometimes called the "Old Brain" because it has been with us since our earliest ancestors. Think of it as your child's built-in alarm system. Its whole job is to scan for danger and sound the alert the moment it senses a threat.
When the alarm goes off, the body prepares to respond — and this is what we call the Fight, Flight or Freeze response. Your child's heart beats faster, their muscles tense up, their breathing quickens. Their body is getting ready to act.
This response was incredibly useful thousands of years ago when our ancestors faced real physical danger every day. The problem is that the brain hasn't changed much since then — so it can fire off the same alarm in response to a school test, a social situation, or a worry about the future, just as it would for genuine danger.
Here's the important part for parents to understand: when the Amygdala takes over, the thinking part of the brain goes on hold. The part of the brain responsible for logic, reasoning, problem-solving and emotional regulation steps back. This is why, in the middle of a meltdown or a moment of intense anxiety, your child genuinely cannot "just calm down" or "think rationally" — their brain is not in that mode. It is not defiance. It is biology.
What does anxiety look like in children?
Anxiety tends to show up across four areas:
● In the body — a racing heart, tense muscles, a sore tummy, fast breathing, feeling dizzy or shaky
● In thoughts — "Something bad is going to happen," "Everyone will laugh at me," "I can't do this"
● In emotions — feeling scared, overwhelmed, irritable or on edge
● In behaviour — avoiding situations, clinging, refusing to go to school, lashing out, or withdrawing
When does anxiety become a problem?
As I mentioned, some anxiety is healthy and normal. It becomes something worth addressing when it is happening frequently, feels very intense, and is stopping your child from doing things they want or need to do. If your child's anxiety is affecting their sleep, their friendships, their school attendance, or your family's daily life, it is worth speaking to a professional.
The good news? Anxiety is very treatable. Children respond beautifully to the right support, and the earlier we help them build skills to manage anxious feelings, the better equipped they will be for life.
In Part 2 of this series, I'll walk you through some of the most effective, evidence-based strategies for helping your child manage anxiety — from breathing techniques to mindfulness to understanding their thought patterns.
This post draws on concepts from the Cool Kids Program (Macquarie University), widely recognised as one of Australia's leading evidence-based programs for childhood anxiety.
Get in Touch
If something in this post resonated with you and your child is struggling with worries, I'd love to hear from you. You're welcome to reach out via email at info@karinafeldmannpsychology.com.au or book online via my website here.
This post is written to help parents feel informed and less alone when navigating their child's emotional wellbeing. While I hope it gives you a helpful starting point, it is intended for general educational purposes only and is not a substitute for personalised clinical advice. Every child is unique, and a qualified professional will always be best placed to guide you. If your child is currently in distress or you have immediate concerns, please reach out to your GP or a registered mental health professional.
